Those Phrases shared by A Dad That Saved Us when I became a New Parent

"I believe I was merely just surviving for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the challenges of fatherhood.

However the truth rapidly turned out to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health issues during the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her chief support while also taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every nappy change… every stroll. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his father, on a public seat, that made him realise he required support.

The straightforward words "You aren't in a good spot. You need assistance. What can I do to assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and regain his footing.

His experience is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. While people is now more accustomed to addressing the pressure on moms and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges dads face.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his struggles are linked to a larger inability to communicate among men, who still internalise negative ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and stays upright with each wave."

"It's not a sign of failure to ask for help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - most notably in preference to a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental health is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the opportunity to take a pause - taking a couple of days abroad, separate from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he required a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotional states as well as the practical tasks of taking care of a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotion and interpret his parenting choices.

The concept of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "poor decisions" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as an escape from the anguish.

"You find your way to substances that are harmful," he says. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end make things worse."

Advice for Getting By as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you feel swamped, tell a family member, your partner or a counsellor how you're feeling. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the activities that allowed you to feel like you before the baby arrived. It could be going for a run, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - nutritious food, getting some exercise and if you can, resting, all are important in how your emotional health is faring.
• Connect with other new dads - hearing about their journeys, the challenges, and also the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help isn't failing - prioritising your own well-being is the best way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead give the security and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - managing the feelings constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men since they acknowledged their pain, changed how they express themselves, and learned to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… sitting with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I expressed, at times I feel like my purpose is to instruct and tell you on life, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am understanding as much as you are on this path."